As of right now, I do not plan to return,
but I definitely won't forget all of the friends I made here,
or the experiences I had that shaped me as an rper.
I'll miss you!
His shirt hits the floor like dust.
He can feel the plastic of the buttons against his fingers, as if he’s still undoing it—as if he’ll be stuck in this moment forever.
His pants slip off like they’re weighed down with bricks. Nothing is moving slowly enough. There are eyes on his skin and they’re burning holes through him.
He’s the futon in his bedroom. He is burned to ash. He is broken down.
There’s bile in his throat and he coughs. He coughs and the figure before him shifts in laughter. He strokes a hand over a bulge in his pants that makes Shizuo feel sick. He calls him 'baby'. He looks at him the way that a man looks at a woman.
He looks at him in a way that no one has ever looked at Shizuo before.
Shizuo is smoke. Shizuo is air.
He is weightless and empty. He is nothing.
He slinks toward the man like a snake—like a predator, shoulders tense. He’s a lion. He’s proud. He’s hiding something small and fragile inside of him, and his knuckles shake at the effort of holding it in.
This man has offered him a billion yen. This man has offered to pay off his debts.
There is an eviction notice on Shizuo’s kitchen counter. A heavy chill rests in his stomach at the thought of it.
He is humiliated. It must have been hanging on his door all day long.
He wonders who must have seen it.
"Stop thinking," the man whispers, he smells expensive, and Shizuo is drunk on the scent, "Don’t worry about anything."
And there are hands. They are cool and they are soft, and Shizuo feels branded.
He wants to cry.
His throat feels rough.
And there is a sensation of being filled—of not being so innocent anymore.
He doesn’t cry.
He doesn’t make a sound at all, but when he rises to leave, collecting his clothes and ignoring the buzzing of love marks against his skin, there is a way he pauses, and—
He wishes he were dead.
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